Professor Who?
by BananaBabe903
Summary: A mysterious man in red Vans travels time and space with his companion Marty fearing the feared Word Nerd-leks with their expurgiating powers in his red telephone booth while remembering the painful memories of his lost companion, Lily Socko.
1. I've got my sonic screwdriver!

**This is a bit of a crack-parody, and slam it if you must—I love it!!! :D PS—AT/OurDoctor/MattSmithinthepast, this 1s for you!!! **

Professor Who looked down at his red Vans bashfully.

"Well, I, um…" he stuttered.

"Ha! I was right!" Marty exclaimed, and she ran out of the SIDRAT (**S**cientifical **I**guanas **D**ancing **R**adiantly **A**t **T**eatime) kitchen.

"Marty, come back!" the Professor groaned, and chased after her.

The two met in the SIDRAT console room.

"You did love her, aye, Pretty Boy?" Marty accused.

"Look, she was nothing--," the Professor stuttered.

"Oh 'she was nothing'! What about all that 'Lilly this', and 'Lilly that' and 'Ohmigod-Marty-you'll-never-be-enough-for-me-'cause-it's-all-about-Lily," Marty cried.

"Look, Marty," the Professor tried to look at her face.

"Just, just go," Marty said, pulling a lever on the SIDRAT.

The SIDRAT began shaking wildly, and Marty harrumphed outside.

"Ex-pur-gate! He—is—the—Pro-fessor!" a robotic voice rasped.

"Oh no! It's the Word Nerd-leks!" Marty screeched, higher and louder than the Word Nerd-leks.

"We—will—re-move—pass-ages—from—well-loved—books," one Word Nerd-lek said.

"No you won't," the Professor said, nonchalantly.

"Why—not?" another Word Nerd-lek asked.

"Because I've got my sonic screwdriver!" the Professor cried, and he held out his screwdriver. He flipped his hair, and flipped the sonic screwdriver into the air—to drop it right in front of the Word Nerd-leks.

"No!" Marty whispered.

"We—have—the—pow-er!" one Word Nerd-lek proclaimed, beaming. "Now—Word—Nerd-lek—Tik—pick—it—up."

"No—you—pick—it—up!"

**LOL! First chapter! Please tell me what you think!!! AT, CC, and/or SM, please tell me what you think! You don't need an account to log in… just… yeah… :D**


	2. See you next Christmas

**Otay, chapter TWO of my lovely parody. First off, let's get some things straight. 1. I do not hate Rose. 2. I am not a screaming "Ohmigod Rose and Ten 4ever!" fangirl, and 3. Well, there is no actual number 3, it's just that 3 things to say sounded WAYYY cooler than 2 things… anyway, carry on! Oh, and AT, CC, and/or SM, you don't need an account to review, just click review and you can just sign your name as whatever. Kay, I'll stop blabbing now. Smoo!**

JOURNEY'S END—(PROFESSOR WHO VERSION)

"I name you, Professor, the destroyer, you, the destroyer of the wooooooooooooooooooooorld!!!" Dadros exclaimed at him.

"Cut, cut, cut!" Professor said, moving his hands in a no-go position. "'Destroyer of the world'? Come on, I thought Dadros was supposed to be an evil creator of the Word Nerd-leks, evil mastermind, not some tattle-telling playground bully!" he spat.

The cast groaned.

"Come on, Professor, Mussel R. Lazies is getting annoyed!" Captain Crack groaned.

"Yeah, and we still have to film Lily's 'goodbye-forever-but-I'm-really-coming-back-next-Christmas-scene," Marty sighed.

The casts' jaws dropped down in shock at Marty. "WHAT?!" they all cried.

Marty swiped a nonchalant look on her face, and said, "Oh, nothing."

PWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPW

"But, he's not you!" Lily sniffled.

"He needs you," the Professor said. "That's very me." Dana "aw-ed" while Jackie coughed, "cheesy."

"Ohmigod, but am I ever gonna see you again?" Lily cried. "You're the love of my life!!!"

"Never," the Professor said.

Jackie laughed. "Ha! And you said Dadro's line was cheesy, you plum!" They ignored her.

"The walls are closing. It's time to go," the Professor made way to the SIDRAT with Dana.

"But it's still not righ', 'cos (sniffle) he's not you," Lily cried.

"And I'm him!" the Professor pressed. "God, woman! How many times do we have to say goodbye! I mean, come on! Think about it! In a year, you're going to see me!"

Lily flashbacks to Satellite 5.

Example 1:

"_Do I hold this?" old Lily called. "Professor?"_

_The Professor, the old Professor in his cow-hide, Indian moccasin jacket looked at the SIDRAT sadly, the red box shining, and pressed a button his screwdriver. "I'm sorry, Lily."_

"_Wait, Professor, it's movin'! No! Don't send me back! Please! I'm never going to see you again! Please!!!" Lily cried, sinking to the ground. "NOOOOOOO!!!"_

Example 2:

"_No, bring me back!" Lily pounded on the wall, mascara dripping down her face. "Bring me back!"_

_The Professor, all across the universe puts his hand and head on the other side, and listens to Lily's vibe of crying. _

_Lily stops crying, and listens to the Professor's vibes as well. _

_The Professor, on the other side of the breach motions for Jack to turn off the sad, yet corny music, and he lets go of Lily Socko. _

Example 3:

"_Am I ever gonna see you again?" Lily sniffled. _

"_You can't," the Professor sadly admitted. _

"_So what are you going to do?" Lily cried. _

"_Oh, same old life, Last of the Time Lords," the Professor tried to comfort her. _

"_On your (gasp) own?" Lily bawled. The Professor didn't dare meet her eyes. "I, I…" Lily took a deep, sobful breath, then continued, "I love you."_

"_Quite right," the Professor said. "And I s'pose, it's my last chance to say it—well, before a sassy ginger woman comes barging into my SIDRAT in a wedding dress for the Christmas Special…"_

_Lily stared at him, then said, "What?"_

Example 4:

"_No, no please!" Lily held the dying Professor in her arms. _

"_Long time no see," the Professor lightly joked, then grimaced at the pain. _

"_Hello! I'm here, don't worry, I'm here," Lily said. "Please don't die. You can't do this to me, Professor! Please don't die!" _

"I prove my case," the Professor said, motioning for Dana to turn off the slideshow. She turned off the projector.

"Oh, right…" Lily said. "Well, I'll see you next Christmas!"

"Yeah, I s'pose…" the Professor said, and he and Dana went back into the SIDRAT.

"I love you," the human Professor whispered in Lily's ear as soon as the SIDRAT had departed. And they went into a passionate kiss, on Good Cat Bay.

**LOL! Hope you guys enjoyed it! Remember, read and review!!! Just press that lil' ol' button there!!! (you know you want to!!!)**


	3. Knock Four Times

**Sorry it took so long to update! Here it is! Please review!**

"_He will knock four times."_

The Professor sat in the TARDIS console room watching television. But he couldn't stop thinking. _He will knock four times. _What was that supposed to mean?

_Knock_

_Knock_

_Knock_

_Knock_

The Professor screamed as someone knocked four times on the TARDIS door. "Well," he whispered. "I guess this is it." And with feat he opened the great door to see the most horrible thing in the world… two Girl Scouts in green uniform stood in front of him, holding a box of Thin Mints.

"Would you like a box of thin mints?" they asked him. The Professor took twenty, paid for them, and then ate. But after eating sixteen boxes did he realize that they were _poisoned_. So not only did he gain thirty pounds, he also regenerated.

Suddenly, Lily Socko burst into the doors of the TARDIS. "Ohmigod, Doctor!" she exclaimed. "What happened to you?"

"I—I'm regenerating," the Doctor rasped.

"No, no, not _that_," Lily rolled her eyes. "You're _fat_!"

**Haha, I know, bad ending! I had writers' block, okay? :P Now, I might add something new, but I don't know yet… anyway, please review and tell me how much it sucked!!! :)**


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